136: On Autonomy and Connection

Published June 3, 2025 · 2 min read · #philosophy , #personal

Likely written around 3 June (while somewhere in Italy)

This post was inspired by an article i read, published in early March 2025.

There was an elegance (Simple principles, ugh, so gooood) in two fundamental, and somewhat opposing needs of 1) Connection and 2) Autonomy

“These needs reflect two key goals our distant ancestors had to achieve: to bond with others for their mutual protection, and to develop personal skills to make them valuable to their group and potential mates. In service of these goals, our ancestors evolved two corresponding needs that still drive us today: from childhood through to old age, humans have a need for connection and a need for autonomy. "

Indeed if the earlier part of my childhood and life was by social things coming to me, the interim years were supplanted with a deep defining of the self and an enhanced sense of autonomy. I was perhaps ruthless in independence, I could do everything, and rarely depended on others to “fix” my problems. A point of pride that I took in a great stride.

For I once believed that while Connection used to be more of a necessity (i.e. historically, because of, you know, farms and wars and stuff and feudalism), autonomy was more of a luxury. A luxury I treasured and held close to my identity and psyche. If left to the self, my autonomy craving and reckless introversion would have left me a nihilistic philosopher in a cave (which is quite nice actually).

But these days, connection and rebalancing has been a subtle wish guided by what the soul searches for. And, with some effort has been soothed through friendships old and new that I am immensely grateful for.

Especially so, as I observe: to ignore or deprive onself of the human connection is practically missing out of half of the life worth lived and almost all of what matters on one’s deathbed.

To find the balance, I consider to channel and concentrate some time on maintaining and creating Connections:

  • Connections through partners: nestled by ropes of intimate habit, routine and consistency
  • Connections through community: borne by structures and thematics
  • Connections through acquaintance: free-spirited and guided by the fairies of spontanaeity and serendipity

Further reading:

https://psyche.co/ideas/for-a-happier-life-we-must-balance-two-old-psychological-needs

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