71: On Children

Published July 12, 2022 · 2 min read · #personal , #relationships

There is a increasing trend nowadays of people in my generation that don’t want children. Climate change, and not being able to give them the best are often cited as reasons - but I struggle to completely wrap my head around it. I don’t believe this choice is rational one at all, and points towards deeper emotional reasons.

Its a challenging question and a topic that crops up, and so, in line with the purpose of this blog (sinplifying complex questions into distilled answers/ framework), I discuss it here too.

I can’t rationalise why I want children, but it seems to be a function of:

  1. A deep rooted scientific belief that the point of existence is for the progeny;
  2. A deep rooted sense of tradition to carry on the bloodloine (as the oldest male in this family line)

as well as a psychological background of: 3. Having a good upbringing in a stable family 4. Financial stability and ability

But I see others going on the path of parenthood, and am in no doubt that its a tough thing. With the loss of ego and identity, pressures on time, pressures on the success of the children as well. It means loss of our individual quality of life, and giving in / committing to a multiyear journey for something above oneself, encapsulated in the instituion of a family.

I would have to remind myself to be critically aware to distance the “success” of a child from my own egos. I see it too often in the societal pressures on children, and I think it brings all matter of shames, unmet expectations, fear for the future, which only serves as an added extention to the already busy and complex individual lives we lead.

Like my other posts, I look back in history too: and I don’t think there were materially significant reasons why people didn’t have children. If one believes that carnal urges are not controllable, then the choice to have children (at a time of zero contraceptives) is not a choice at all.

But the time and context were substantially different back then. I ultimately think the question to have children is the ability and bravery to sacrifice of our individual quality of life for something preciously fragile and uncertain. Without its necessity - its the ultimate fear of unknown, or ultimate hope for a greater love.

Read next

Previous Post 70: Hobbies 2 - A Love Letter to Cooking
Next Post 72: Education 3 - On Educating Character and Succession

See also

70: Hobbies 2 - A Love Letter to Cooking

I started cooking while in university. It started with the simple things. I recall one of the proudest and most memorable. It was in a shared student dormitory kitchen. I was faced with the daunting prospect of either starving that night, or confronting my greatest anxiety of quietly cooking in a shared unsafe space. Intimidating for there was a group of predrinking first-years. The sort that you kind of know as your neighbour, but never well enough to properly socially interact with them.

Read more

68: Life 3 - On Complete Support Systems

I was in the sea today. And saw the buoys bobbing. I set a target; an unconcious marker to swim to before returning to shore. And while swimming, I we were boats, travailing on the open sea. But in the ocean - the winds buffet and blow. Mother nature is unpredictable. And so we need an anchor. Or anchor_s_, as I shall explain: Support systems There are many theories around us humans as social creatures.

Read more

60: On Love and War

Hectic and busy as of late, with both work and personal. On Love Specifically, it has been celebratory time with the family - a big milestone / event happening for closed loved ones. Indeed, while there were some tragedies earlier in the year - with the old, comes the new, and so the cycle continues… But in the pursuit of truth and overarching frameworks - Love is one of those everlasting mysteries, like life, art, and what goes into mcnuggets.

Read more